Alone or All One

“I’ve never really been alone.”
The words escaped her lips in a thin wisp like perhaps she didn’t really want to own the sentence.
“What would happen if you were alone?” I asked.
She looked at me with disbelief spreading over her face.
“I would be sad!” she immediately responded.
“And if you were sad?” I queried.
She was catching on to what I was doing.
“If I were sad I might lie on the floor and cry all day.”
“And what if you cried on the floor all day?”
She looked thoughtfully after this last question.
“I have never really allowed myself to cry for more than a few minutes. I’ve always wiped away the tears as soon as they appeared.” She took another moment to gather her thoughts.
“I’ve never really even just sat with myself.” She shook her head in disbelief.

I could see the lights turning on in her head. Perhaps she wasn’t ready to be by herself yet but she was starting to see how she had lost herself in all the relationships. She had run from the question, “Who Am I?” for years. Now she was slowing down and turning to look behind her. The lost selves waved from the path she had fled from.

I suggested she ask those parts of herself lost on the side of the trail who they are. Start a dialogue with each of them. Ask the same question, “Who are you?”
What matters?
What do I care about?
What will I no longer tolerate?
What must I bring into my life immediately?
What do I believe in?
What brings me joy?
What feeds me?
What sucks me dry?
Who am I?