Cravings

Craving - an intense, urgent or abnormal desire or longing.

What is it that we long for?

So often food became the misplaced object that I thought would satisfy my desire. For many years I had forgotten how much I needed joy and laughter and sweetness in my life. My days had morphed into a daily grind of serious, hard work for my survival. Most everyday I turned to food for comfort. I craved sweet, rich foods that I thought would soothe my ragged soul. Day after day I would find myself cradling bowls of creamy sweetness almost like praying before an altar of misguided devotion. There was never enough of course. I would feel comfort and satiation for maybe several minutes but the "dead" eyes would stare back at me from the mirror again quickly.

No amount of smooth, rich ice cream or soft, chewy cookies or pudding or cake or pie or pancakes would fill my overwhelming need for love.

The cravings were so strong that my heart was muted. The cycle of false fulfillment continued day after day, year after year and eventually I couldn't even remember a time when my heart spoke to me let alone sang a joyous song. What a silly idea anyway, I thought... that the heart has a voice!

Years of turning away, plugging my ears and soldiering through left me crispy dry and cracked. Still the need is deep and archetypal and will rise in the most disturbing ways. Some of us will break to pieces and fall to the ground before we listen again. But some of us will listen as I did.

What is it you long for?

Take some time thinking about what kinds of food you crave. Rich? Sweet? Salty? Sour? Dense? Light? Find some food magazines and cut out pictures of the foods you crave - this can be very illuminating of what is needed and missing in your life. Glue the images onto a large sheet of paper or poster board. This will be the beginning of a map back to your self.