The True "Yes"

There has been so much lately written about saying "yes" to life. I love this idea and practice it in my life but I believe first we have to know how to say "no". Saying "no" allows us to say "yes" to what truly feeds our soul and spills out to those around us. As women in our culture we have been brought up to say "yes" to every request. We have been taught that we must nurture and care for everyone. While this is a wonderful gift if it is not first given to ourselves we become dry and brittle and shreds of the woman we can be. Years ago I wrote this poem about coming to the true "yes":

Sometimes a woman has to say "no" a thousand times before she can come to one true yes. 

"No, I can't talk to you right now." 

"No, I won't join one more committee even if it is a vital cause." 

"No, I won't be the neighborhood baby-sitter just because everyone else works out of the home."

 In all of these "no's" we can finally come to know who we really are. 

We are not the volunteer who always works so hard that she becomes physically sick after the big event. We are not the friend who always answers the phone no matter what. 

We are not the mother whose door is always open. 

All of these "yes'" come at a price. 

The headaches. 

Breast cancer.

Fallen families.

 Lives unlived. 

Love lost. 

After the first hundred "no's" it gets a little easier. 

"No, I won't remain silent while an angry father slaps his two year old at the grocery store." 

"No, I can't share myself with 'friends' who are unkind and ungiving." 

"No, I won't accept something as truth without first asking my heart." 

At the end of that long road of "no's" we finally meet who we really are.