Soul Hunger
There is a deep longing, an empty place,
a wild hunger that no mortal food can satiate.
The longest night of the year had
finally thrown it’s cover over the land. It was so dark as the clock struck 2 am
that even the owl gave up his haunting song and tucked his downy head beneath
his still wings. Only on a night such as this could one dive deep into the soul
and come up gasping for breath into the hidden caves on the other side. One
woman was exploring these dark caverns on a night just like this many years
ago.
All through the past year she had been
the loving wife, the patient mother, the strong sister, the devoted friend and
the dedicated neighbor. The gentle spring breezes blew her scattered longing to
the four directions. In the heat of the summer her selfish intentions melted
into thin pools of forgotten goals. Her desperate pleas fell to the earth with
the ruddy colored leaves as autumn settled over the fields. And now she sat
here frigid in her neglected needs feeling the winter numbness spread slowly up
her body.
Four seasons of spiritual malnutrition
leaves one feeling ravenous for any kind of nourishment. Creative impulses
ignored, long hot baths postponed, solitude denied creates a gaping hunger, a
heart so empty that nothing is ever enough.
And, so she found herself in front of
the refrigerator filling her arms with grapes and leftover chicken and cold mashed
potatoes and sticky bottles of jelly to spread over burnt toast. One hand
grabbing, the other offering like an ancient cliff side ritual. Nothing was
safe. The green onions for tomorrow’s salad, the cottage cheese with just a bit
of dusty green mold in one corner, the powdered sugar dissolved in 2% milk,
even the tub of yellow miso found their way to her starving mouth. When every
last bit of food, even the old spaghetti and the questionable Baba Ganouche had
been wiped clean with shaking finger off of the glass shelving she turned,
closed the door… and still she was hungry.
“Maybe just one nibble of the prayer
plant will top me off,” she thought as she grabbed the plant and gobbled up the
whole thing, soil and all. The weeping fig, the aloe and the rose scented
geranium still didn’t satisfy her need. The poinsettia wrapped in artificial
greenery including the shiny gold bow left her table and her soul empty. The
table upon which they sat took no more than 2 seconds to maneuver into the
vacuous recesses of her spirit… and still she was hungry.
Room by room she went devouring
everything in her path. Couches, computers, ottomans, a king sized bed, even
the bathroom sink and still the hole seemed bottomless. Outside she tossed cars
like popcorn into her waiting mouth. Her strides became longer as she pulled
telephone poles like fresh carrots. She chuckled as she gathered up a dancing
stream and tilted her head back so that she wouldn’t miss a single drop… and
still she was hungry.
As she lumbered from county to county
popping hills like gumdrops and crunching on trees like pretzels she thought to
herself, “If not mountains and streams what will fill me?” The rocky riverbeds
like crunchy almond granola led her to the sandy beaches that needed to be
washed down with the wind and the rain… and still she was hungry.
As she stood before the infinite sea
planning how best to devour it she noticed the giant glowing orb teetering on
the horizon. “Hmm, she thought, maybe if I eat the sun, the moon and all of the
stars in the sky I will finally be finished.” With that thought she opened her
jaws wide and in rushed heaven… and then she was full.
